For the past couple days, I have been doubting my commitment to my upcoming marathon training. I was looking over a possible training plan and it simply made me tired instead of excited. (Training plans usually make me excited about the possibilities!) Then I looked at how quickly my boys are growing, how fast time is going and wondering if this is the right thing at this time. I ran a marathon in September, I proved to myself that I could. Do I really need to run another one? Part of me says no, what else do I have to prove; while another part of me says, YES! I know I can run much faster than 4:57!
Jeff and I had a long conversation about it and he is such a wonderfully loving, supportive husband. However, he refuses to give me the answer, instead saying it's my decision and he supports me no matter what my decision is. Some days I just wish someone else would tell me what to do. <sigh> He did ask me to take some time and think about it before making any decisions. Fair enough.
Today I met my friends, Jamie and Kate, at the metro park for a shorter run for them, then adding more miles at the end for myself. I mentioned that I was thinking this and Jamie asked the same question that Jeff did "why"? The answer came out that I have been having so much fun since the marathon in September, with no training plan, that I think I'm afraid to go back into the strict structure of another training plan. After the marathon, I was the one to decide when I ran and how many miles I ran. One week I'd run 18 miles and the next 32 miles. No rhyme or reason, simply based on the weather, my time available, what my friends were running so I had running partners, or what I felt like I should run based on my poor food choices! After a tough year of training, I LOVE the freedom!
Maybe I'm in the post holiday funk? We had so much going on in the month of December, lots of family came to visit us, lots of fun, now it's back to "normal" life. That could certainly be part of it.
After 4.25 miles, Jamie and Kate headed back to the parking lot, I turned on my music and quickly found my pace. Lots of thoughts going through my mind, trying to work everything out. Then around mile 6, Mother Nature helped me out.
THIS! This is part of the reason I run. Seeing and enjoying the beauty of the world, the beauty of a sunrise, reminding me that ANYTHING is possible.
The thought popped into my head....why CAN'T I continue to have fun while training for my marathon? I will still be running. I will still be running long miles. I will still be running with friends. Just because I'm following a training plan, doesn't mean the fun stops. It's simply a new challenge and I need to take the pressure off of myself. I've got 19 weeks until the marathon and a lot of things can change in 19 weeks. Maybe I'll meet and/or beat my "secret" time goal. Maybe I won't. As long as I am still having fun along the way, isn't that all that matters?
I finished up my 10.5 mile run feeling much better about everything. Running keeps me in shape, running clears my mind, running brings everything into clarity.
Why do you run? What does running do for you?